Just saying hi…you were on my mind…I hope you are happy and well!

Mary

Too many people love this article, but I delete their comments. I also hope people pay attention to this remark!

I’ve been away, visiting elderly relatives! Sorry for not replying sooner.

Your question is one that cannot be solved with a broad answer. You have already attempted many of the usual solutions that would be offered, by myself or any text book. Although this is a fairly common situation the causes can be both varied and yet specific to the individual. The most practical attempt at resolution would be to seek appropriate counseling for your partner or jointly. This may be impractical either for reasons of cost, availability or even unwillingness to commit to this form of therapy by your partner. Any of these would be understandable.

The only next available option that I can see is what you are already doing. I can both sense and understand your frustration. I would only counsel that you treat your approaches as a process, and not expect that any one will suddenly be a holy grail. It is unlikely that you are going to hit on any one “way” that will suddenly be a magical solution. Rather through continued loving and supportive behaviors, hopefully a more expressive relationship can be manifested based on love and trust.

I will mention that it is one of the peculiar differences of male/female sexuality that the female is not often “in the mood” prior to love-making in the same way that a man is. Often she does not become aroused until “proceedings are underway.” A man’s involvement can seem more instant and physical, whereas a woman’s mind must be involved. This involves switching of the thought process from day to day activities, tasks etc., to a loving and receptive mindset. So persistence pays.

This then of course has to be balanced against what is reasonable persistence, so that this does not become nagging. Very complex but you are moving strongly in the right direction already.