Relationship Arguing – We Never Agree on Anything Anymore
There is nothing worse in a relationship, to have your spouse continually argue and never agree on anything. Possibly you wonder why you both agreed to be together in the first place! Yet you wouldn’t be married at all if you had not agreed that you loved each other and hoped to have a long and satisfying happy relationship together. Most married couples begin as friends, unless it was ‘love’ at first sight and then become lovers. Keeping the friendship and communication alive and well is one of the most important things you should do in a marriage if it is to stay in a state of happiness.
When you think about the people you are friends with the chances are you think about the fun times you have spent together. There may be disagreements and petty differences that have to be ironed out periodically, but the fact is that friendships take nurturing. We are usually willing to overlook those times when our friends are difficult or having a bad day. This is the same kind of consideration you should give your spouse.
Nurture The Relationship
When two people come to believe they have nothing in common the issue is really the fact they have not nurtured the relationship. Marriage should be considered a friendship and the most important one in your life. That means you must give it even more consideration than you give your other friendships. To keep a relationship healthy, it’s important to find commonalities and share quality time together.
When you feel as if you have nothing in common with your spouse, it is likely that you and your spouse have not even discussed your common goals for a long period of time. When first married, setting long range goals is a great way to form a bond. But goals must be amended and altered and new ones created as time goes by. If you don’t maintain your list of goals then it is easy to begin to drift apart.
Being a friend means treating someone you like with honesty and respect. If you are convinced you have nothing in common anymore with your spouse, the first step to restoring the relationship is to re-discover each other as friends with common goals.
Disagreements on a regular basis in a marriage can be small or large. You can squabble about the household chores or have huge arguments about money. Either way you are going to find yourself becoming more and more distant from your husband or wife. You will also stop trying to find things you have in common, because the disagreements take on a life of their own. Constant arguing can overshadow everything else in the marriage.
When you argue a lot and don’t feel like friends any longer, it’s easy to feel as you have nothing in common anymore. But that is simply not true. You have plenty in common but you have to make an effort to identify exactly what those common things are in your relationship. From there you can begin the process of restoring the friendship to your marriage.
Identify The Areas You Disagree On
The first step is to talk to your spouse and identify those areas where you never seem to agree. Then you should find a point where there is agreement. Once you get past the first point the odds are more will follow. You can do this for each item on the list. Then you can develop a new goals list. On this list will be what you and your spouse would like the future to hold. You can compare the goals list to the problems list and identify how your problem solutions support your goals.
True friends are always working to keep the friendship strong. When you become a married couple, you can’t let the friendship die a quiet death. Instead you should work to make it an even better friendship by taking time out for each other on a regular basis. It’s important to do the things friends do and that includes envisioning the hopes and dreams for the future. By re-establishing your friendship you will be able to once again find common ground.
Your relationship can become happy and loving again. Often it is just one small thing that has started between you, maybe a long time ago, that needs to be addressed and sorted out. When one small problem eats away at you enough, every ‘little’ issue that arises becomes a huge problem and often a battle you want to win.
There are no happy winners, only unhappy losers. So sit down and communicate and fly the white flag!
