Goal Setting In Your Marriage – One Is Not Divorce
When you get married you usually have the same goal, to stay married and be happy, 365 days of the year! No one gets married expecting to later end up getting a divorce. Some people spend months talking about their plans and dreams and what they hope to achieve as a couple. They talk about having children, their financial goals and common interests among other topics. Some couples don’t take the time to do this kind of planning though and simply fall in love and get married.
Though there are millions of successful marriages between people who did not do any pre-planning, there are plenty of marriages that have failed as a result of lack of goal setting. But there is another twist on the problem found in marriages also. Some couples come to feel they don’t have any common goals. This can be a serious problem because it affects some of the most important issues in a marriage. For example, when you want children and one of you don’t, it can cause a huge rift in the marriage.
When you don’t have common goals it can be difficult to keep a marriage healthy because you are each working to achieve a different result. You may want to achieve financial independence and your spouse may like to spend money which limits the amount that can be saved. The bread-winner may want to build a career that requires long hours at work and their partner may want to be more committed to family time.
Starting With One Common Goal
If you begin with the fact that your marriage did have one main common goal, you can begin to build a new set of goals no matter how long you have been married. Often it is not that you don’t have common goals, it is that you think you both have separate ones. Sometimes they can be the same, but if you don’t discuss it then they can appear to be totally different. In other words, if you don’t talk to your spouse about specific goals then you are making assumptions that may or may not be true. It is important to have one-on-one conversations about your marriage goals. You need to listen to your spouse’s needs and feelings about issues and then share yours. From there you can begin to look for those points where your goals meet.
When you are discussing your goals, make sure you also listen to your partner. Communication is the most important part of your relationship. Knowing how your partner feels emotionally and physically is what makes your marriage grow together and also allows you to help each other reach your goals, common or otherwise.
