Jealousy Is A Destructive Emotion

Jealousy is a destructive emotion that serves no real purpose. Unfortunately it is an emotion that appears in relationships all the time. When one spouse is jealous of another there are certain behaviors that follow. These behaviors are manipulative and intrusive and have caused many relationships to end. If you are married to a jealous spouse, there are certain things you need to understand in order to effectively deal with the problem.

Fear of Losing You

A jealous spouse is making the statement through their actions that he or she is afraid of losing you. Jealousy is an emotion that is masking a bigger fear. Unless you directly deal with that fear nothing can change. A jealous spouse often places all the blame on their spouse for causing the jealousy and fails to see it is their own insecurities which are being expressed.

Jealousy is not a nice emotion. It leads people to say and do things they would not under other circumstances. For example, you go to a jewelry party at your girlfriend’s house and your husband constantly drives by because he is afraid you are secretly meeting someone. Or a wife may call her husband at work a dozen times everyday which causes problems in the office. A jealous spouse is always suspicious of their husband or wife’s motives and intentions.

Did she get dressed up because she likes someone at the office? Is she going to that hairdresser because he’s handsome? Is he attracted to that new secretary who is so pretty? Why is she meeting her girlfriends at night? Was he was only talking to that woman at the party because he was attracted to her?

These are the kinds of ongoing jealous statements that can frustrate your spouse and eventually cause plenty of relationship problems. Jealousy is an irrational emotion, because it is not founded in truth. If there is a reason to not trust your spouse, the rational thing to do is discuss your feelings with him or her. Making up theories and having your spouse followed only creates new problems and solves none.

Jealousy can be a misguided expression of love. Your husband or wife may love you so much that their insecurities cannot be controlled out of fear of losing you to someone else. The insecurity may be related to lack of self-esteem or past events in their prior life. Sometimes a person who has been married before, and divorced because their spouse had an affair, can become jealous of their second spouse out of fear history will repeat itself.

Unintended Consequences

Unfortunately one of the often unintended consequences of jealousy is that the emotion drives the spouse away. Instead of maintaining the relationship, jealousy can cause a spouse to prefer divorce over living with the constant verbal attacks and accusations. The jealous spouse can bring about exactly what he or she didn’t want – an end to the relationship.

You can only reassure someone so many times that there is no reason to be jealous. Because jealousy is often irrational even impeccable behavior may not be enough to prove you are trustworthy to the jealous spouse. But it is certainly worth a try if you want to bring about a change in behavior. The first thing you need to do is talk to your spouse about the problem.

First ask your spouse to identify the situations where he or she feels the most jealousy. You can then work out a way to reassure the spouse during those times there is nothing to be jealous about. You should also be in frequent contact with your spouse so he or she knows there are no secrets in your life. You can also frequently express your love for your spouse so he or she understands that it is him or her you care about and not someone else.

If the jealousy does not abate over time, it’s important to meet with a marriage counselor. A counselor can help the jealous spouse understand the deep rooted insecurities leading to jealousy. In addition, you need to ask yourself if you are doing anything at all that could be unintentionally causing your spouse to be jealous. If so you have personal behaviors which should be changed in order to help solve the problem.