Simple But Effective Ways on How to Save a Relationship
There are many reasons why people want to find out how to save a relationship. They may want to stay together for the sake of the children. They may think it’s too much of a loss to throw away a relationship that has been going on for years. Or they may truly feel that there is something worth saving in the relationship. In any case, you can benefit a lot from the following simple but effective ways on how to save a relationship.
The first step towards successfully saving a relationship is making sure that both of you are completely committed to the endeavor. If one or both parties are not that willing or will only give a half-hearted effort, then the relationship will eventually fail. The second important step on how to save a relationship is to take the time to figure out what the cause of your problems is. Usually, this is not the visible or obvious things, like an affair. Instead, the cause is typically something much deeper, like the loss of intimacy or lack of appreciation shown by one spouse to another. Although affairs are often seen as the reason for relationship breakups and divorce, they are actually just manifestations of a deeper issue, which you must find and deal with if you want to have a chance at saving your relationship.
As soon as you figure out the source of all your marital problems, the next step you should take on how to save a relationship is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding your problems. Take turns in expressing your thoughts and feelings about the issues without sounding hurtful or accusatory. When it is your partner’s turn to talk, make sure that you listen very well and avoid becoming defensive. Remember that you are having this conversation not to put the blame on the other person but to do your part in saving your relationship.
After talking about your problems, you should then think of possible solutions that both of you are willing to try. For example, you may decide to have a date night once a week, or you may agree to spend your weekday evenings with each other instead of buried in overtime work. Find activities that you can both do and that will address your problems directly.
If you have already taken these steps on how to save a relationship but nothing seems to be changing, you have to give it some time. Change will not happen overnight. Be patient and eventually things will work out in the end.
The only thing left to do now is to decide whether your relationship is indeed worth saving or not. If it is, then you should do something about it now before the situation gets even worse.
Does Your Partner Put You Down or Embarrass You Around Others?
Do you have a problem in your relationship where you feel like every-time you are out socializing, your partner either belittles you, criticizes you or embarrasses you? If this is happening to you, it can be very hurtful and it naturally lowers your self-esteem. This is an indication of a partner who either lacks respect for you or enjoys exhibiting control. Secondly, it is actually revealing something that is bothering your partner about you.
Made Embarrassed By Partner
Occasionally, it can be overlooked, continually, well there is a pattern of behavior showing, where a real problem exists. When your spouse continually embarrasses you in front of friends, it can make you feel very badly. It is the fact your spouse seems to care so little for your feelings that causes the deep hurt. On the surface the statements may seem to be innocuous, but scratch below the surface and you find they are a symptom of a problem in the marriage.
No one likes being belittled in front of their friends. When your spouse treats you like that in public, it indicates there is a lack of respect for you as a spouse and a person. Many times the husband or wife who is so callous with their partner will be just the opposite with their friends. He or she is always respectful of their friends’ feelings and is careful to not offend. Yet that same person will insult you in front of family, friends and strangers!
Why Do You Do That To Me?
Many marriages have failed because one spouse makes it clear he or she has no respect for their spouse. You can only take insults and criticisms for so long and then the odds are there will be major arguments break out at home. They usually start with words such as “Why do you do that to me?” or “You are so rude.” The conversation is doomed from the start because you are speaking from anger and your spouse immediately gets his or her guard up.
You may have a right to be upset, but in order to resolve the deeper issue the lines of communication are going to have to be open. If you start a conversation using words that shut down the exchange from the beginning the chances are you will not get any information you can use. Instead there will be an angry exchange and lots of yelling and nothing is resolved.
What you want to do is find a way to talk to your spouse and express your feelings about public insults. In some cases it may be your spouse really doesn’t understand how his or her comments are construed by others. He or she may not realize how hurtful the words really can be. In other situations the words are intentional and meant to hurt.
Sometimes a spouse will choose the public arena to send a message because he or she knows you can’t respond at the moment. It is a control issue. Because you can’t respond, your spouse uses the moment to let you know how he or she feels about an issue like putting on weight.
Forgiving From the Start
In order to have a meaningful conversation about public criticism, you will have to first decide to forget the past. Yes….you need to put the hurtful words aside and approach the conversation with a clean slate. You can begin your conversation with a statement about yourself instead of pointing a finger at your spouse. For example, you can say, “I was very embarrassed when….” Then you let your spouse respond. No matter what the response may be you should try to stay focused on explaining your feelings.
The first few conversations about the matter may not cause behavior change. But if you continue to point out the times when you were embarrassed in public, your spouse will begin to think in the same terms as you. The public comments will hopefully stop.
This still means you need to deal with the real issues at hand. For example, if your husband is unhappy because you have gained too much weight then you can propose a plan where you begin a fitness program as a couple. This proves you are serious about working out the problems in the marriage from both sides.