Does Your Partner Put You Down or Embarrass You Around Others?

Do you have a problem in your relationship where you feel like every-time you are out socializing, your partner either belittles you, criticizes you or embarrasses you? If this is happening to you, it can be very hurtful and it naturally lowers your self-esteem. This is an indication of a partner who either lacks respect for you or enjoys exhibiting control. Secondly, it is actually revealing something that is bothering your partner about you.

Occasionally, it can be overlooked, continually, well there is a pattern of behavior showing, where a real problem exists. When your spouse continually embarrasses you in front of friends, it can make you feel very badly. It is the fact your spouse seems to care so little for your feelings that causes the deep hurt. On the surface the statements may seem to be innocuous, but scratch below the surface and you find they are a symptom of a problem in the marriage.

No one likes being belittled in front of their friends. When your spouse treats you like that in public, it indicates there is a lack of respect for you as a spouse and a person. Many times the husband or wife who is so callous with their partner will be just the opposite with their friends. He or she is always respectful of their friends’ feelings and is careful to not offend. Yet that same person will insult you in front of family, friends and strangers!

Why Do You Do That To Me?

Many marriages have failed because one spouse makes it clear he or she has no respect for their spouse. You can only take insults and criticisms for so long and then the odds are there will be major arguments break out at home. They usually start with words such as “Why do you do that to me?” or “You are so rude.” The conversation is doomed from the start because you are speaking from anger and your spouse immediately gets his or her guard up.

You may have a right to be upset, but in order to resolve the deeper issue the lines of communication are going to have to be open. If you start a conversation using words that shut down the exchange from the beginning the chances are you will not get any information you can use. Instead there will be an angry exchange and lots of yelling and nothing is resolved.

What you want to do is find a way to talk to your spouse and express your feelings about public insults. In some cases it may be your spouse really doesn’t understand how his or her comments are construed by others. He or she may not realize how hurtful the words really can be. In other situations the words are intentional and meant to hurt.

Sometimes a spouse will choose the public arena to send a message because he or she knows you can’t respond at the moment. It is a control issue. Because you can’t respond, your spouse uses the moment to let you know how he or she feels about an issue like putting on weight.

Forgiving From the Start

In order to have a meaningful conversation about public criticism, you will have to first decide to forget the past. Yes….you need to put the hurtful words aside and approach the conversation with a clean slate. You can begin your conversation with a statement about yourself instead of pointing a finger at your spouse. For example, you can say, “I was very embarrassed when….” Then you let your spouse respond. No matter what the response may be you should try to stay focused on explaining your feelings.

The first few conversations about the matter may not cause behavior change. But if you continue to point out the times when you were embarrassed in public, your spouse will begin to think in the same terms as you. The public comments will hopefully stop.

This still means you need to deal with the real issues at hand. For example, if your husband is unhappy because you have gained too much weight then you can propose a plan where you begin a fitness program as a couple. This proves you are serious about working out the problems in the marriage from both sides.