Are You Married, But Living A Separate Life?
Marriages and relationships can change very slowly where two people even though they are ‘together’ they are actually apart. It becomes a relationship of almost convenience. Sometimes people become so wrapped up in their own thing, that they take their partner for granted. When this happens the relationship begins to develop two separate lives, not a life as a couple. There are personal friends and hobbies and time spent doing things you alone enjoy. The only problem with this picture is the fact that the spouse is missing.
Relationship Woes
Some marriages turn into separate living arrangements but without forethought. In other words, you basically live a separate life without your spouse and yet stay in the same house.
When your friends or family come to visit, it looks like everything is fine, yet you may not even sleep in the same room anymore. There is no companionship because you are living separate lives for all intents and purposes.
This is a picture that describes many marriages. The couple cares enough about the marriage to keep it alive, and yet there is no effort to share time together. This is a compromise that keeps people married, but there is no real marriage. In fact it can be a bit eerie to watch a couple go separate ways and know they are still living together.
Married Yet Living Separately
Unfortunately, when you live separately long enough there is a good chance the marriage will end at some point, unless of course you become elderly and it no longer feels like an issue anymore. Living together but without putting any effort into the relationship is sure to eventually ruin the very foundation of the marriage. The problem is you will have no idea when your spouse might meet someone else or decide that it makes no sense to live this way. It’s like living in a state of limbo.
When you don’t share your lives in reality, your marriage does not even take on the level of friendship. Instead it becomes a survival technique. You just decide to remain in the marriage as a matter of convenience. Without being judgmental, it’s hard to find a couple where they ignored the passion and were still able to keep the marriage alive. It can actually be a very dreary existence even though other people may not be aware of what is going on behind closed doors.
Familiarity Breeds Contempt
Living together physically but not emotionally is the state many marriages end up enduring after couples have been married for years. It can happen to younger couples but often it is the years of living with each others faults that creates the cynicism and lack of respect. The old expression, “familiarity breeds contempt” comes to mind. Marriage is a state of being that requires diligence. You can’t ignore your relationship and expect it to survive without damage. It may seem easier to just go about your business and not worry about connecting with your spouse, but if you really look inward what you’ll probably find is a lot of unhappiness and discontent.
The chances are that if you live this way that one of two things will happen. First, you will just continue to survive as a spouse without experiencing the companionship you should be getting from the marriage. The word “survive” indicates your life is not fulfilling. Second, either you or your spouse will eventually meet someone else by chance while looking outside the marriage for friendship. This will lead to divorce.
How Can You Stop Divorce?
You can stop divorce by renewing your friendship with your spouse. It may be difficult at first to change behavior patterns, but if you put a plan into action the rewards will be worth it.
- Why not ask your partner for a date?
- Show some interest in their favorite activity. Ask them questions?
- Plan a romantic evening together? Yes, candles would be nice.
- Every week make an effort to do something special for your partner.
- What did you do when you were dating and in love? Did you send special flowers or write nice words in cards or letters? Why not do it now?
- Do an activity together. Join a club, get fit, go bike riding everyday.
These are just a few of the little activities that can make a big difference in a relationship. After a couple of months of proving you want to be friends again, you can then begin to make other plans. You could plan a vacation or getaway for just the two of you. Why not go camping if money is tight and talk around a campfire.
Your marriage cannot be ignored and expect to survive if you don’t make an effort to fix the distance. You can live together, but if you let the friendship die from neglect you will not be enjoying the best marriage has to offer. You need to pay attention to your marriage and not let it just drift towards divorce.This makes for a lonely shallow existence. There is a great saying I just love…”Life is not a dress rehearsal, you only have one shot at it.”
So why not make it the best it can be and enjoy it with someone you love.
Are There Really Secrets To A Happy Marriage?
So often we think that there are some tried and true secrets to a happy marriage, but are there really? Is there some special formula that will help you to have the best relationship in the world? Is there a way to guarantee that your spouse will love you until the end of time and never consider being with anyone else? You might wish this were the case, but the sad truth is that there is no special formula and there is no magic drink which you can feed to your spouse from time to time to keep them loving you. This doesn’t mean that you’re destined to float on the winds of fate when it comes to your marriage, because there are some things which you can and should be doing to keep your happy relationship, strong and alive.
Take The Time Each Day To Just Love Your Partner
No, this relationship advice doesn’t mean that you have to be physically intimate with your partner every day. Most of the time, things don’t work out that way and this expectation could cause things to get boring. However, taking the time to love your partner each day is one of the secrets to a happy marriage. If you make sure to touch your spouse, hug, kiss and just love your spouse each day, it not only helps to keep a concrete connection with your partner, but you and your partner can both go about your day secure in the knowledge that you are loved. When you know your spouse loves you and you love them, you’re less likely to do things to hurt your partner and you’re less likely to be hurt by your partner’s actions.
Trust, Trust, Trust
Probably the biggest secret to a happy marriage is trust. Everyone knows it, but they have a hard time enacting it. For this reason, it’s so important to be open about every single thing. Okay, well, maybe there are some things (such as bathroom habits) that you don’t need to share, but when it comes to money, purchases, career moves, who you talk to and interact with and even leisure time activities, it is so important to be completely forthcoming. If you’re thinking of joining a volleyball team for one night a week after work and you tell your spouse, they will be more likely to tell you that sounds like a good idea than wondering why you never thought to tell them.
Whenever you fail to share information it can be very hurtful to a spouse, so even if it’s shoes that you bought, just come out about it. Chances are, your partner really doesn’t care. You’ll find that when you’re open about the little things, the big things are easier to share as well and this will foster a feeling of trust in your marriage.
Of course, there are other secrets to a happy marriage, but you’ll probably find that each relationship is different, so it needs different things. When you learn to respect your relationship as much as you respect and love your partner, though, with a little guidance, it’s likely that you will learn the secrets to a happy marriage first hand.